Separation and Divorce is a big concern in our society. If i remember clearly, in the old days, the only people allowed to divorce were the men. All they needed to do was give their wife a certificate of divorce and let them leave. Now both parties can divorce because of Adultery, or because he/she is not caring, or he/she is abusive (mentally, physically and emotionally) and due to abandonment.
The sacrament of Matrimony has been under attack by modernism where the man is no longer allowed to be the head of the family. When two people battle to the captain of a ship, the ship sinks (I think this is where submission and slavery are being mixed up). Every role has its function and to be the head of a family/household, the man must know his roles/duties which are to: instruct the children to have proper morals, values, principles, and correct them of any wrongdoings they are prone to. The head of the family must protect the family both physically and spiritually and demonstrate strength and courage but still reveal his love for them. Above all, he must lead by example; do good to others, respect authority and treat thy spouse with love and respect. The head of the family must pray for his family and tend to their needs. More importantly, praying with your children helps conform their hearts which would later help them in life. The sacrament of Marriage must be respected and revered and it is therefore each others duty to ensure they both help one another get to heaven. Being selfish in our desires allows darkness into our marriages. The Grace of God is to be relied upon in order for marriages to succeed because it is not going to be a happy journey all through but with the help of God it would be filled with Joy and not despair. In the sacrament of holy matrimony, we are called to be committed; this type of commitment calls for an unselfish heart, tender love and where generosity blossoms. Husbands and wives are called to cherish their spouse in mutual affection and understanding of each others imperfections (Unconditional Love). Humility is key for any marriage to be successful. Rather than seek for thy spouse to serve thee, it is better to desire to be a servant of thy spouse.
Why do marriages fail?
Marriages fail because most often many of us enter into marriages for the wrong reasons. This may be due to "Self Interest" - because of age, because of loneliness, peer-pressure and need for children. Praying regularly as a family helps keep the roots of detestation which destroys the sacrament of marriage away.
Of all the destructors, the greatest is PRIDE. This leads to desiring thy own will, never seeking or wanting to listen to thy spouse. The "I am always RIGHT attitude". Another key destructor is DISOBEDIENCE, this leads to unfaithfulness. DISRESPECT, this leads to separation. STUBBORNNESS, leads to division. IMPATIENCE,leads to rash decisions. ANGER, leads to poor decisions. SLOTHFULNESS, which cause sorrow to thy spouse. Other types of destructors are; Abuse to thy spouse be it words or actions, Being Judgmental of thy spouse, Ridiculing of thy spouse and YES! Third Party Interference (It could be positive or negative but majority of the time, it has always been NEGATIVE).
The Sacrament of Marriage and the Ten Commandments:
The 6th commandment; "THOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY".
This commandment has been violated in many forms and ways. It has been violated through words of impurity, through thoughts of sinful, ungodly desires and in actual act. This on its own could call down from Heaven the JUST PUNISHMENT of God.
Mathew 5:28 "But I say to you everyone who looks at a wo(man) with lustful intents has already committed ADULTERY with him/her in his/her heart."
Mathew 7:20-23 And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”
One must understand that before entering such vocation, seeking the face of God (will of God) is important. It is important that we do not become anxious for when we do, the devil can lead us to a path of complete emptiness which sometimes we do not realize. Therefore in all things, we wait for the divine providence of God for with his wisdom he maketh our path of life clear and leads us to our proper spouse. When we allow the HOLY SPIRIT of God move in our lives, we are consumed by his light and we shall gain WISDOM and UNDERSTANDING which leads RIGHTEOUSNESS and HAPPINESS. "Many of our youth do not seek guidance from God for they are content with the guidance of the dark side of life, thus build up relationships without being properly prepared in faith and morals. The DOWNFALL of the youth is their FREEDOM FROM RESPONSIBILITY", thus the spiritual life becomes stagnant which brings upon the spirit of darkness that leads us down the corridor of destruction.
The sixth Commandment commands us to have pure thoughts and to be modest in our appearance, words, and actions. The greatest battle within our lives is with Ourselves, thus we need to understand that the soul is willing to be faithful but the flesh is weak and strong temptations can cripple even the strongest of men. Through our senses, the attacks shall come. Therefore it is fruitless to guard only one sense and not the others. There must be a greater form of communication between husband and wife to prevent frequent violation of the sixth commandment.
Hebrews 13: 4 "Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge."
1Cor. 7:5 "Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." Frequent offences of the sixth commandment includes but are not limited to: lusting over one another, improper sexual conduct with another, looking at pornographic images, videos and books, impure thoughts, impure actions, impure words, e.t.c.
1Cor. 7:9 "But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (I question this verse a lot though).
THE NINTH COMMANDMENT: "THOU SHALL NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE."Covet means to desire something enviously that belongs to another. We must battle our emotions which the flesh causes thus cannot let our emotions be our guide in our spiritual journey. Some of the reasons we violate the 9th commandments are; money, greed, envy, jealousy, discontentment, hardships, unsatisfying desires and lack of self-respect. We must be on guard at all times, we cannot entertain another's spouse (although we have to treat them with complete respect, dignity but never entertain them with words of companionship). Many at times men and women mislead one's spouse into confusion, causing despair, distress and sometimes separation. HOW?, If the love of God is in us, it will be visible to those we speak with; many times we desire this love from our spouses but because our spouse has not grown in their faith to give such love, they tend to seek comfort from those who give such love and in turn the violation of the 9th commandment takes place.
Lust and Proper Attraction:
Marriage must not be based on Lust. It must be based in God for in His Infinite Goodness, He created man first and He saw that he needed a companion. And thus came forth from Adam's rib the WOMAN, therefore the attraction must clearly not be sinful. It must not be for the fleshy pleasures but for the virtue in one's life. Without Faith, Hope, and Charity within the person, suffering shall come with trial after trial. We must therefore seek purity with our whole heart, mind, soul and will. If Lust dwells in our marriage, there is little hope for the success of the marriage due to the powerful impulses lust will cause. St. Francis of Assisi experienced weakness in his heart and flesh and began to lust for Saint Clare, but because he knew lust displeased God, he cast himself into a thorn of bush in order to distract his mind from his lustful thoughts.
In order to succeed in the sacrament of marriage, one must have a bigger understanding that the sacrament is bigger than self and has more responsibilities than any other obligation, contract, thus cannot fail in our love for God and our Spouse. I therefore tell you that the sacrament must be treated with reverence, we must seek to love, not to be loved; seek to give, not to receive. We must strive to make our spouse happy and in their joy they will seek to bring joy into our hearts; for it is in giving that we receive.
Culled from: The Sacrament of Marriage: A covenant with God
(God Help us all).
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