In what ways can
intimacy be understood and improved? Authors Ronald Adler and Russell Proctor
II identified four ways in which one can feel more closely connected with his/her partner. These elements apply to many types of relationships. The four ways are;
1.
Physical. Hugging,
kissing, caressing, cuddling, holding, and other forms of physical affection.
Physical intimacy certainly includes sex, but
doesn’t have to. As long as other aspects of the relationship remain sound,
physical intimacy between partners can often last a lifetime, even as sexual
potency diminishes due to health, age, and stress
“Millions and millions of
years would still not give me half enough time to describe that tiny instant of
all eternity when you put your arms around me and I put my arms around you.”—Jacques
Prévert
2.
Emotional. The
ability to effectively express and validate tender, loving emotions, in a
manner that's nourishing and constructive, and being able to respond
affirmatively when the other person does the same. This includes statements
like, "I love you," "I appreciate you," "I like it
when we talk like this," "I'm glad we're spending this time
together," "You're very important in my life," "How are you
feeling?" and "I'm sorry."
"[A
person's] heart withers if it does not answer another heart."—P.
Buck
3.
Intellectual. Brains
can absolutely be attractive and sexy, especially for those who feel a sense of
kinship when they engage in discussion or endeavor with a partner whom they
feel is an intellectual equal.
“The marriage was
a meeting of hearts and minds both. Madame Lavoisier had an incisive intellect
and soon was working productively alongside her husband (chemist Antoine
Lavoisier)…[T]hey managed to put in five hours of science on most days—two in
the early morning and three in the evening – as well as the whole of Sunday,
which they call their day of happiness."—Bill
Bryson
4. Shared
Activities. Examples
of interactions that build a positive memory bank
of shared experiences include playing, cooking, dancing, exercising, art
making, traveling, worshiping, and problem-solving together. In this dimension, it's not
just the activity that matters, but whether two people are able to bond while
interacting with one another.
“When
partners spend time together, they can develop unique ways of relating that
transform the relationship from an impersonal one to an interpersonal one.”—Ronald
Adler and Russell Proctor II
(Unknown Source)
