Increasing Connectedness to one's partner

                 In what ways can intimacy be understood and improved? Authors Ronald Adler and Russell Proctor II identified four ways in which one can feel more closely connected with his/her partner. These elements apply to many types of relationships. The four ways are;

1. Physical. Hugging, kissing, caressing, cuddling, holding, and other forms of physical affection. Physical intimacy certainly includes sex, but doesn’t have to. As long as other aspects of the relationship remain sound, physical intimacy between partners can often last a lifetime, even as sexual potency diminishes due to health, age, and stress

“Millions and millions of years would still not give me half enough time to describe that tiny instant of all eternity when you put your arms around me and I put my arms around you.”—Jacques Prévert

2. Emotional. The ability to effectively express and validate tender, loving emotions, in a manner that's nourishing and constructive, and being able to respond affirmatively when the other person does the same. This includes statements like, "I love you," "I appreciate you," "I like it when we talk like this," "I'm glad we're spending this time together," "You're very important in my life," "How are you feeling?" and "I'm sorry."

"[A person's] heart withers if it does not answer another heart."—P. Buck

3. Intellectual. Brains can absolutely be attractive and sexy, especially for those who feel a sense of kinship when they engage in discussion or endeavor with a partner whom they feel is an intellectual equal.

“The marriage was a meeting of hearts and minds both. Madame Lavoisier had an incisive intellect and soon was working productively alongside her husband (chemist Antoine Lavoisier)…[T]hey managed to put in five hours of science on most days—two in the early morning and three in the evening – as well as the whole of Sunday, which they call their day of happiness."—Bill Bryson

4. Shared Activities. Examples of interactions that build a positive memory bank of shared experiences include playing, cooking, dancing, exercising, art making, traveling, worshiping, and problem-solving together. In this dimension, it's not just the activity that matters, but whether two people are able to bond while interacting with one another. 

“When partners spend time together, they can develop unique ways of relating that transform the relationship from an impersonal one to an interpersonal one.”—Ronald Adler and Russell Proctor II

(Unknown Source)