Stella Dimoko Korkus': THE CULT CALLED OYIBO WIVES ASSOCIATION

Stella Dimoko Korkus': THE CULT CALLED OYIBO WIVES ASSOCIATION: This woman has opened a can of worms.....

Why do men abroad prefer to go back home to pick a wife

                   So, i have come across many Nigerian men who would prefer to go home and marry a wife they haven't seen in 3 years and sometimes 12 years than marrying a girl in the same city or neighborhood as them. This is now a common practice for both men and women living outside Nigeria and even the ones who live in the country.
                  The men say "the women here are bad, they can't cook, they are not submissive, they are rude, they know too much about the laws, they can't be controlled" and the women say "the men are not serious, they just want someone to sleep with and go home to pick a wife, they are too controlling" e.t.c. When these men/women go home and bring a wife, they always end up getting the opposite of what they want. I believe being a good person is a personal choice and through God's Grace. Being a good wife/husband is also a personal choice and God's help. It has nothing to do with upbringing (Some people can have the right upbringing and still live a horrible life) and never will.
                 I decided to ask my own friends who are married (went back to Nigeria to get a wife) why they prefer going home. Some of the reasons i got to know about are;
1. They would prefer someone they knew in university days because they can relate better
2. The mentality of Nigeria women back home is better than the ones born and raised here ( I asked about the ones who only came to get a university degree,whether 1st or 2nd degree).........
3. They would prefer to teach the woman
4. She is more submissive
Please do add more to my list if you have any reason.......

Mirroring Oneself

                        I have heard so many ladies talk about how they caused the break-up or ruined their relationship and so on. Sisters please i have met women who did worse than you did and the guy still married them. And those who started after marriage but the man stayed in the marriage.

Yes we all do something that is unforgivable every time but God still forgives. How can a man want a loyal, honest and God-fearing woman when he is not even close to what he asked for (same applies to the women)?. That saying "You are who you attract" is something to really think about.

                        Before i go further i would want to ask a few questions, why do women always talk about finance when describing a man? Isn't it enough that he is kind-hearted and loving? Yes no one wants to suffer but have you ever thought about the fact your father didn't marry your mother when he was flamboyant? Love should be unconditional i believe. 

I would like more input on this matter under the comment section.

Thank you.

Increasing Connectedness to one's partner

                 In what ways can intimacy be understood and improved? Authors Ronald Adler and Russell Proctor II identified four ways in which one can feel more closely connected with his/her partner. These elements apply to many types of relationships. The four ways are;

1. Physical. Hugging, kissing, caressing, cuddling, holding, and other forms of physical affection. Physical intimacy certainly includes sex, but doesn’t have to. As long as other aspects of the relationship remain sound, physical intimacy between partners can often last a lifetime, even as sexual potency diminishes due to health, age, and stress

“Millions and millions of years would still not give me half enough time to describe that tiny instant of all eternity when you put your arms around me and I put my arms around you.”—Jacques Prévert

2. Emotional. The ability to effectively express and validate tender, loving emotions, in a manner that's nourishing and constructive, and being able to respond affirmatively when the other person does the same. This includes statements like, "I love you," "I appreciate you," "I like it when we talk like this," "I'm glad we're spending this time together," "You're very important in my life," "How are you feeling?" and "I'm sorry."

"[A person's] heart withers if it does not answer another heart."—P. Buck

3. Intellectual. Brains can absolutely be attractive and sexy, especially for those who feel a sense of kinship when they engage in discussion or endeavor with a partner whom they feel is an intellectual equal.

“The marriage was a meeting of hearts and minds both. Madame Lavoisier had an incisive intellect and soon was working productively alongside her husband (chemist Antoine Lavoisier)…[T]hey managed to put in five hours of science on most days—two in the early morning and three in the evening – as well as the whole of Sunday, which they call their day of happiness."—Bill Bryson

4. Shared Activities. Examples of interactions that build a positive memory bank of shared experiences include playing, cooking, dancing, exercising, art making, traveling, worshiping, and problem-solving together. In this dimension, it's not just the activity that matters, but whether two people are able to bond while interacting with one another. 

“When partners spend time together, they can develop unique ways of relating that transform the relationship from an impersonal one to an interpersonal one.”—Ronald Adler and Russell Proctor II

(Unknown Source)

A Healthy Relationship

                  The desire of any man/woman is to find a good partner they will settle down with and have a happy life. But having the right partner is just not enough. One must ensure that the relationship with that partner is a healthy one. You can find the right partner and still have a miserable marriage. A healthy relationship engenders a Successful Marriage. It is one which is whole, grows and one that brings Glory to God.

ACCEPTANCE: 
A healthy relationship is one in which both people involved accepts each other. You need to know that you are loved and accepted by your man/lady. Once a person claims he loves you, he/she must be able to accept you the way you are no matter how others feel about you. One of the ways to know if you are accepted is what the person says when you are around him/her, if he/she is always comparing you with people and always wishing you were like somebody else and doesn't appreciate you for who you are, you must know that you are not accepted by that person. So acceptance is one of the keys to check the health of your relationship.

Trust: Trust is also another basic key you must watch out for. Trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth or ability of someone. A relationship without trust is like a car without fuel, you can stay in it as long as you want, but it still won't go anywhere. There are many people who don't trust their partner; you'll hear them say things like "I can never trust a man/lady, all men are the same" etc. The man/lady need to trust each other to the extent that nothing/nobody can feed you lies about your partner. It’s not enough to know your fiance / fiancee loves you, you must believe he/she loves you. There are many people who know their partner love them but they don't really believe it. They say things like "do you love me?, are you sure?, hope you are not cheating on me etc. And also, don't try to demand trust, earn it or build it or show it.

SECURITY: A healthy relationship is one that gives security to the man/lady. Security is, knowing that you are provided for and protected, your interest and views are protected. And you wanna know you won't be abandoned one day. Security in any relationship is very important. You must feel secured in your relationship. If you are always scared that you may be jilted or abandoned, it shows there is no security and lack of trust in the relationship. No matter how far apart you are, you must believe you are secured and once you doubt your security, it shows something is wrong in that relationship and you must try to work things out.

PURPOSE: Purpose is one of the key things that keep a relationship going and healthy, purpose knows that you have a reason for living. A reason to live together. Many relationship out there lack purpose. Most youth these days just enter into a relationship for the fun of it. Nothing is keeping them busy, no important reason for their being in relationship except that they just feel like being in a relationship with someone. And once the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. In fact it is very important you ask from any guy that proposes to you his purpose, reasons he has for wanting  to marry you and so on. Adam had a purpose before he starts a relationship with eve. I will advise you that if you are yet to discover your purpose, don't think of starting a relationship. Starting a relationship without discovering your purpose is like boarding a bus without knowing your destination. So take time to ask yourselves why are we together? What is our reason for being in love? And try to work towards fulfilling the purpose.

Commitment: Commitment is very pivotal to any relationship. The two persons in relationship must be committed to the relationship and pay the price in other to get the prize of a successful marriage. Commitment is a dedication, a promise or an obligation you give to your relationship. It takes a commitment to keep a relationship going. Be committed financially, be committed in prayers and be committed to individual development. Note: the commitment must not be one sided, it must be balanced. As a lady, don't think the man should be the only one committed. Both of you must be committed.

IDENTITY: A healthy relationship is one in which both persons involved have a sense of identity. Identity is Knowing that you are individually significant and special. It is very important that your man/lady know that you are both unique and special and he/she must be willing to acknowledge that fact and appreciate your uniqueness. Everybody want to be treated with honor and dignity. So you must watch out for the Identity he/she placed on you. Is he/she proud to introduce you to his/her friends, family and colleagues? If NO, know that something is wrong and try to work on it.

Finally, put God in the driver seat of your relationship because ANYTHING under HIS control will NEVER be out of control!

(Mr. TEA) 

30 Rules for Men

1. Don’t ever beat your wife for any reason. Prov.19:11, Prov. 20:3
2. Don’t ever forget that your wife is your greatest asset. Prov. 12:4, Prov. 18:22
3. Don’t ever forget to check the level of peace of your wife. Prov. 27:17
4. Don’t associate with men that lack credibility and generational mindset. Prov.13:20
5. Don’t ever hurt your wife no matter the level of insults passed on you. Col. 3:19, 1 Pet. 2:19-20
6. Don’t ever wave off the ideas, advice or suggestions of your wife because of your selfish interest. Pro. 1:5, Pro. 19:20
7. Never treat your wife as a servant. Ephesians. 5:29 
8. Never make your wife a negative case study before friends and family. Prov. 5:18, Prov. 21:23 
9. Never doubt your wife no matter what you know about her past. 1 Cor. 13:5. 
10. Don’t deny your wife of sex. 1 Cor. 7:4-5. 
11. Don’t be careless about the welfare of your home. 1 Tim. 5:8 
12. Don’t compare your wife with anyone. 2 Cor. 10:12 
13. Never cheat on your wife no matter the condition. Prov. 6:32, Prov. 5:20 
14. Never cut short the love you showed to your wife, rather, water it, and nurture it for effective continuous growing. Ephesians. 5:28-29 
15. Never disregard the effort of your wife, rather appreciate her more and more. Prov. 31:28 
16. Never discuss the weak points of your wife at public opinion polls. Prov. 5:17 
17. Don’t call your wife unpleasant names such as prostitute, witch, fruitless entity, harlot, useless wife, bastard, rather call her blessed, precious, capable, beautiful and virtuous woman. Col. 4:6, Prov. 31:28 29 
18. NEVER EVER PLACE YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY OR WORK ABOVE YOUR WIFE. 
19. Don’t be self-centered. Ephesians. 5:28, Phil. 2:3-4.

20. Don’t ever cook up plans against your wife because of your lustful desires.

21. Never set up a family without having a family vision. Prov. 29:18, Hab. 2:2-3 
22. Never make your wife feel inferior and uneducated before your friends, family, anyone or even you the husband. 
23. Never compare your wife’s attitude with your one time girlfriend’s attitude. 2 Cor.10:12 
24. Don’t be lazy to cater for your wife and family. 1 Timothy. 5:8 
25. Never allow money to be the bond of love in your marriage. 1 Tim. 6:10
26. Never allow your parents or family members to dictate the affairs of your home, remember, ’therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife………’’. Gen. 2:23-24.
27. Don’t ever let your children come between you and your wife. You married your wife not your children, remember they have their life to live and when married and gone, only your wife will still be with you, to cook
for you, comfort you, refresh your body, soul and spirit in the bedroom. Matt. 19:6 
28. Never hide any phone calls, text messages, or password to mailbox from your wife. Transparency is the ultimate key to continuous trust and confidence in marriage. Rom. 12:9-10
29. Never owe your wife anything, always give her the very best; best in love, best care, most precious things and that which belongs to her. Rom.13:8 
30. Never show a heart of ungratefulness to God and your precious wife, always and always be ever grateful for their presence in your life. Prov. 31:28

(Orji Henry).